Undesired Parenthood

For many who derive their faith from religion, this will be a contentious point; however, for those who have endured a life marked by their own family’s unwillingness to improve, this will resonate with you. And to whatever argument you may have in your head in opposition to this thought, make sure it is logically consistent with the standards of adoption and in vitro.

There seems to have been an epidemic, particularly in the United States, of people who had children, not out of want, but necessity. The need to have children as a rite-of-passage or righteous duty to continue one’s last name, to fulfill patriarchal roles, has led to the neglect of generations to come. Mainly by the “pick yourself up by your bootstraps” crowd, who have played the only significant role in handcuffing society for their heirs. It is because of this that we see so many fewer people wanting to start their own families, not only because of government policies that have put far less money in the pockets of young adult generations (not to mention in terms of today’s conditions: the cost of living is the price of life itself), but also because of the need to address the generational traumas associated with the “necessity” mentality.

I have grown up with many people who have had their parents joke, just as mine have joked, that they were a “mistake.” Perhaps once is for comedy relief, but to belabor the point, it drives home the idea that wanting to have a child would have led to a healthier connection between parents and their children, rather than viewing it as a necessity. You might be wondering how a “mistake” equates to “necessity”, and I will proffer this: Those who are pro-life do not see life as a want; if they did, they would be pro-choice.

If you ever hear a parent start a sentence with, “Well, when I was your age…” it is likely coming from a place of projection, not introspection, which ties to another fundamental point in this argument: the idea of having children out of necessity perpetuates generational trauma. I grew up in a household where the phrase, “This is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship,” was the mainstay of the household patriarchy. These words underscore the thesis that having children out of necessity correlates to fulfilling patriarchal roles, which in turn is passed on through generational trauma by parents who see having children out of necessity as a reason to establish a family. In my opinion, not addressing personal and family flaws before bringing another life into it is a disservice. When we want to start a family, want to become parents, and want to parent in ways that differ from our own upbringing, it is authentic and shows wisdom.

Now, what does one do if they are the offspring of parents who lack empathy, critical thinking, or perhaps even a soul? When we come to understand the world around us more deeply, our energy resonates at higher frequencies, enabling us to perceive the truth more clearly. If your parents, guardians, or siblings struggle to understand your actions or words, know that there are others in the world who are willing to pour more energy into your life and want to provide more care than family ever has. Maybe your loved ones will eventually see what you see; perhaps they won’t. But choosing to act in your best interest is what leads to a fuller, more peaceful life. There’s a community out there for you. It might already exist, or you might have to build it yourself, but be sure to seek it out as something you want, not something you need.

Children should be born out of want, not necessity. Until we confront the cycle of generational trauma disguised as duty, we will continue to inherit wounds instead of wisdom.